I Am a Skinny Woman in Exile -Friday

Somewhere underneath all of the stored up doughnuts and chocolate that I have injested, the Coca Cola I’ve guzzled and the greasy pizzas I’ve consumed, there is a thin marathon runner screaming to be let out of her self-imposed prison.

I have always known she is there, but I have kept her stifled under years and years of rich, fatty calories, a mountain of self- doubt, and a fair amount of plain laziness.

I think the time is now to start chipping away at the fortress that keeps her in exile.

The fortress is at least 20lbs and maybe even 30 lbs of poundage that I’ve been carrying around for the better part of the past 7 years. I have allowed myself to turn a blind’s eye to the scale’s growing numbers and I’ve cleverly learned how to edit, edit, edit when it comes to photographs. I’ve conveniently let myself indulge when I want and have almost convinced myself that I’m a ‘big-boned’ girl and that I can carry (and hide) extra weight.

But really… who am I kidding?

On Wednesday when I stayed home with the kiddo, he swiped my camera and took some pictures around the house. As I was reviewing them, I stopped on an image of me that he had snuck in while I was enraptured in an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians (yeh, I know… don’t tell me, it is ridiculous but I am hooked). On the sofa, where I should have been sitting, was a greasy-haired, overweight, thick-necked woman smirking at the television.

At closer inspection, the woman was me.

And I was (am) mortified.

Horrified.

Mortified and horrified by my appearance. It was a candid shot that represented the entire room exactly as it was, so it wasn’t as if the angles were distorting. The fact that the person was distorted in the photograph was no fault of the camera.

Only the fault of the woman.

Me.

Now, I don’t want to hear from anyone that “you’re silly, you’re not fat” or that “you’re great the way you are”… yadda yadda… I am not happy with myself. And if I am not confident and happy with myself, then that kind of has a snowball effect on everything else I do too, right? Of course that’s right.

I’m a person that absolutely hates to run, but it is one thing that seems to melt the weight off. I am going to try substituting elliptical training work for running since my knee and varicose veins could really do without the pounding of running. I will hop on my elliptical for 15 minutes in the mornings when I can, or in the evenings as I watch my shows….

I am walking daily at work with a co-worker, putting in at least 1 mile at a time, and even though that isn’t much, it is better than just sitting at my desk and wishing I was skinnier.

I am also going to start working out at the gym. After work, I will take some time for me and dedicate at least one hour per afternoon to Me, Myself, and I. I think I deserve an hour, don’t you? This idea was actually my husband’s, and I was absolutely flabbergasted when he suggested it. He said, “go to the gym and work out without all of the distractions of home… at the gym, I can’t call you to ask you for a favor and you’re not pulled in a million directions. Go take the time you need for you and you’ll feel better about everything”.

Hmph.

I think he’s on to something. I will go each afternoon and do something, whether it is to  lift, do cardio, but I’ll for sure sweat it out… I might even hire a trainer to keep me honest. I need my very own Jillian Michaels as I have always responded well to the whole ‘drill sargeant’ approach… maybe that is exactly what I need.

And I also need a goal.

Twenty lbs is Goal #1.

Keep up with my progress as I post each Friday regarding my Weight Loss Goal #1. I invite you to keep me honest and keep me motivated by leaving me comments here, on the Facebook Fan Page, and on Twitter!