Putting My Angst in a Box for the Day

On the eve of Thanksgiving, I am all a-flutter, stressing already about the meal that will only last a total of 20 minutes and all be over. I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of one of my favorite people to touch down in Houston, and a ball of angst.

Why is it that especially at this time of year when we’re supposed to be counting our blessings, so many of us are counting our grievences, our problems, our bad luck? It is as if the holiday season does the exact opposite of what it is intended for, rather than bringing glad tidings, it brings in the blues…

I don’t much like the holidays anymore, to tell you the truth. My reasons are layered, but I guess the main reason that I don’t much like the holidays is because I always feel like a traffic cop. Trying to anticipate everyone’s moods, trying to keep people happy and satisfied, and trying to manage stampedes of people through the ranch. I wonder what it feels like to take your immediate family and go away for the holidays and not have the angst associated with who’s coming to dinner, who’s NOT coming to dinner,  who got invited and who didn’t, and all of the guilt that I carry along with that.

I miss my Mom.

She made all of this fun.

Without her here, its not fun. It is a month-long walk on eggshells, daily headaches, and mutterings of ‘Bah Humbug’ (among other things) under my breath.  There is so much pressure during Thanksgiving and Christmas, and maybe it’s pressure I put on myself, but I just try to be all things to all people, and guess what? I suffer for it. A lot.

I’m very stressed these days, if you couldn’t already tell. I can not fix everything for everyone and I am making myself crazy trying. Or at least worrying about it all of the time.

So! Instead of dwelling on the stress and uncomfortable situations I find myself in, I am going to take the advice of a new friend and put my problems and worries into a box and shelve them. However, the friend told me that the ‘box’ is water-soluble and will eventually disappear, so I will have to revisit my angst. BUT NOT TODAY.

Not today…

Today? I am going to try hard to be thankful.